girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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