Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
