the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
