is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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