Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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