proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize