Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
