come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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