whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this beer tastes like vomit already
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont even know how to be here
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
