oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
