My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
