Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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