Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
