And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
