Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize