Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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