so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
