You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
