I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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