i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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