I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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