i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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