kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
