Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
