At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
