God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this will be a night to untag.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
