I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
