i love accidental penises.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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