I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
