No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
