she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
