Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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