It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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