Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
