They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
