Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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