If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you win again, gameday.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
