Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
