He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
