he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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