It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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