So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
