Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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