if i can run in heels then i can drive
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
