The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
