people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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