Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize