I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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