i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
