And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
