i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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