If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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