I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
