I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
