Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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