sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
