Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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