the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
