in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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