So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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