i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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