And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
