A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
