just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
